you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
