chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
