just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
