im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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