I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
