I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
