foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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