What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
