you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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