it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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