I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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