My friends, they love my intelligence
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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