I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize