Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
