Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
