He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
