At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
