I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
