i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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