Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
