Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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