I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
