This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
