Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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