ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
