Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
