Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
