Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
