We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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