i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
