Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
