Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
