my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
