Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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