I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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