Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Someone signed my nipple.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize