I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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