talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
