We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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