I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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