I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize