Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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