Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
