I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm at about main and main street
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
