nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
