You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
