Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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