good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
