party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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