She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
