That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I skipped work to stalk him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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