You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
