He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize