how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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