I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
