he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
