yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
