i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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