I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are all done wearing pants today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
