This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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