I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They have beer where we have blood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
