So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
