I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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