SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
