someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
