Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
