He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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