Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
