The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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