She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
