i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
