i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Swine flu. Run for my life!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i need some magic done to my vagina
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
