On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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