Fuck appropriateness.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
