For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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