but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
