Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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