Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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