I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize