he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
